​Click here to read this on the web​

Happy June, beautiful people!

We’ve all heard someone say it. We might have said it ourselves.

“Don’t pay attention to them. They’re just doing that for attention.”

The thing is ... we’re hard-wired to want attention. It’s a survival mechanism, to be noticed and part of the tribe.

We learn to ask for attention the way we’re taught, more or less. If you ask dad to play with you and he ignores you until you cry, what lesson are you learning? You need to cry to get attention. Later, when you’re crying and he says, “You’re just doing that to get attention,” well ... yeah. That’s the way you taught me to do it.

Somewhere in my travels, someone suggested the following reframe, and I loved it and try to implement it (with varying degrees of success).

connection-seeking instead of attention-seeking

I love that! Calls for attention are, at their core, calls to connect, to have a minute of camaraderie, to feel companionship in the moment.

We all do it in one way or another. Some ways are healthier, some are more socially acceptable, but any time you reach out to someone, you’re attention-seeking. We don’t frame it that way because it has a negative connotation. “Looking to connect” is “looking for attention from you.”

Now—whether you’d like to have empathy or like to connect with a person who you deem as attention-seeking is a separate question. Just know that they’re looking for connection, like you do, even if it looks different.

Related in a way: back in January, I tasked you with generously distributing compliments. Have you been doing it? If not, now’s a good time to start.

​
​

Heat's big cancer project

I'm trying to help people help their people. When someone is diagnosed with cancer, the people around them tend to freak out. Reasonable, but not useful.

I'm going to help.

But first, I need your help. If you have been through cancer or have been a primary caregiver, I'd love to have a conversation with you about your experience.

If you know someone who has been in either of those positions and would be willing to have a conversation, they can email me (heat.weirdlastname@gmail.com) or go to this page and fill out the form.

The more people I talk to, the more representative I can make the finished product.

Thanks in advance!

​

A photo

Swan in Hyde Park, London.

​

Other newsletters:

Still working on getting my first book published. If you'd like to follow along, click here. (Since I already have your email address, you literally only need to click if you're in your email right now.)

Photos by Heat has a monthly newsletter. While most of my services are for in-person interactions, I will have some occasionally for anyone anywhere. Click here to join that beautiful group of readers.

---

Redbubble changed their fee structure and I don't sell enough there for it to be worthwhile anymore. Too bad.

You can support me and my work by leaving a tip here or sending a gift from here. Or spreading the word about my cancer project.

​

​

​

​